ME

i lost my words when i try to write..

i am in a moderate cafe nearby my house.. just to sit down and surf internet..

i am thinking about writing in a blog which i started years ago.. before i start my writing, i just go back and learned from what i have wrote before.. amazingly, it reminded me with treasures i forgot.

what i am now.. a big business man.. NO.. a big persona.. NO..

still a man that asking for lead. am i a loser.. MAYBE.. but still i dont feel like i am a loser..

maybe i am a loser in a world that i dont like.. maybe i am a loser referred to the standard set by certain people or media or idealism..

back to the basic, why do i live.. for what reason i am here.. it is just to serve people?? which people.. who can tell me which people to serve??? why should i obey???

back to basic.. why should we live in a competition??? do we have certain target or objective to achieved?? who give us the objective?? why should we obey??

back to basic.. am i human??? why as a human i cant think as one human instead of taking orders from another human??? why should i obey???

sad really... very sad.. time is changing.. me is changing.. people is changing.. towards the ultimate good.. towards the nature with or without notice.

do we notice that?? do we??

a root from a seed always go to one and only direction, WATER because of his nature.. everything in this nature, follow their own nature.. but do we have our own nature??? YES!! NO!! what is it?? do we follow our own nature??? YES?? NO???

human's nature have more conflict.. do we have a nature to avoid this conflict..?? RULES?? what kind of RULES?? a rule that support one party or race or group or idealism and condemn another?? do the rule can avoid conflict in our nature?? everything is so CONTROLLED... by sort of controller (is it rule or idealism??)... so confusing..

back to nature.. it is me now..

July, 9 2008

Fuuh!!! it's really a century ago i made my last writing.

too busy to write, already July mate..!!! my daughter start walking almost a month ago.. she's just 11 months old. what a good news..

Already in July 2008.. wow!! we can never imagine how fast the time is, was, bla.. bla.. bla..

Still no change, my life i mean.. still road tour every months.. visit "customer" almost everyday.. No changing, still.. DAMN!!!

Still no NEXT.. and again, DAMN!!!

Too much to say, no mood to write..
See ya..

New Year 2008, not new anymore...

Last 37 days, it was New Year's Eve, WELCOME 2008... it's only last 366 days, then it's gone forever..

Coming 329 days, a new New Year's Eve, WELCOME 2009...

same episode repeated.. start with celebration.. go back to work.. bla.. bla.. bla.. celebration again.. bla.. bla.. bla..

some sort of management i think.. all we have in our live is only time, one minute ahead, last one minute and this moment, second, minute.. name it..

now, i have a family.. wife and kid(s).. compare to 3 years ago, i have nothing.. not even myself.. am i happy now..?? yes, of course.. and then, what's next..??? waiting??? seeking??? hiding??? WHAT?????

blinking... blinking... blinking... 12.01 am, 2009.. happy new year.. one minute later, not new anymore..

i am a happy man, with all time i have.. with everybody by my side.. with everything that i have.. and then, what's next??? NEXT!!!! WHAT???

I WANT TO WORK FOR YOU.. YOU... YOU..

How??? How??? How??? New Year's Eve is coming...

money go-round

Februayry, 28 2007... paycheck cash in.. what a relief..

money is always go round like merry go-round at the funfair....

1st of all, car installment...
then, pay what you owed from friends...
then, keep some for petrol, toll tickect, emergency case of car break down...
then, my wife get some...
then, my parent, if they needed..
then, buy something for me self and my wife..
then... that is it.. the rest is for surviving untill next paycheck..

where all the money go?? they are going around the big circle of course...

the money go round, me stay put, stand still... no more money to go around..

the money go round, me go straight, and come back straight.. go to work, back home.. same route, same routine...

every month.. same... whatever.. :P

who am i??

a small pawn on a chess board??
**do your job, for the big course.. follow the system.. and remember, just follow..!!!!!!!!!!!**

or a metal ball in pinball??
**keep moving, or you will gone from the system.. you are not always lucky to go back to the ignition point... few chances, you're already blew some of it..**

ok cut it off.. it's a boring topic...

last nite, i watched 'Numb3rs' at AXN.. i'm sure many knows about this series.. in this episodes, one thing that really get into my head is how to define dimension.. 2 dimension and 3 dimension..

on the cupboard, or paper, we can draw a cube.. which is a 3-D image, and we accept it as a cube like a real cube.. and also we can imagine the other side of the cube.. human imagination is always unacceptable... far beyond the 7th sky.. but, we always forgot, that drawing is not in 3-D mode.. it is in 2-D mode.. the cube we drew always just a drawing...

and in our life, there is time when we use our brain, i mean thinking in 2-D mode, and sometime in 3-D mode.. it's magnificient right???

ok, what is 2-D??? it means, 2 axis.. X axis, and Y axis..

3-D means X axis, Y axis and Z axis...

all the axis, coming from one point.. it's a neutral point, or zero point...

2-D mode of thinking normally it's about cause and action.. when you do this, this will happen.. or this is what you get...

3-D mode is more complicated... normally it's about cause and action in a time frame... when you do this, this time, this will happen... but if you change the time, something else will happen.. sometime, you change the action and the time frame, the same outcome you will get.. sometime the outcome and time is fixed, the action maybe more complicated or more easy..

i impressed with the explanation in that series.. it's very mathematical.. but it's fit into your life perfectly, you can say it in numbers... AMAZING.....

unconciously we are using both mode everyday..
and, of course some level of people only used one mode of thinking, some of them used both... can you imagine if there are some level of people who can think in 4-D mode...???

what is 4 Dimension??? please refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth_dimension .. oh MY GOD...!!! it's really amazing..

if there is people who can think in this mode, it's unimaginable...

GOD.. it's cool.. adios...

when the time come

when the time come, we will be born..
when the time come, we will walk..
when the time come, we will talk..
when the time come, we will learn how to do what people do..

when the time come,
we will realize every people is same..
when the time come,
we will see the boundaries in our head.. skin colors, races and hierachy..

when the time come, we will get marry..
when the time come, we will have childrens..
when the time come, we will get sick..
yes, in the other words, when the time come, we will get older..

when the time come, everything that we are worry about is around the corner..
when the time come, we will be there..
when the time come, we realize why we are so worry..
when the time come, we realize we are sorry..
when the time come, we realize that we are ready..

preventive is better than cure.. prevent when you still have time..
when the time come, you will face it with brain..
when the time come, you will know that you are strong..

PROBLEM is always there.. you are on the road to them.. when the time come, you will face them..

PROBLEM.. sometime it really matters to one, but not the others.. same matter will give headache to some, not to other some..

the word 'problem' can be repalced by anything.. happiness, sadness, grieveness.. everything is same, it just the way we approach them..

and only the matter of time, you will face 'em.. prevent and prepared.. you will face them with brain..

very tired

day of tiredness..

last saturday i was going back to my hometown.. my sister in law's enggagement ceremony. i just dont want to miss it. it was a family function and i want to be there..

however, it was very tired weekend.. but i was really happy.. of course i was happy when i can see in my wife's eyes how happy she was... :) pretty smile that i cant never forget.. my god, i love her so much...

i was heading back to kl with my friend, very old friend... all the way back, my job was talking non-stop so he can stay focus on the wheel.. and i was success.. 9.30 pm to 2.30 am, everything went well all the way... thank god.. alhamdulillah..

reaching my home around 2.30, i went out again to meet my another old friends at TTDI. very long time no see, and i guess it was a mistake that i made today... but it's ok, i'm happy to see them..

now, i'm at the office with sleepy head, heavy eyes... i drove here from home in safety mode because i barely open my eyes while driving.. alhamdulillah, i'm here safely.. i'm still thinking how to get back home after work safely.. soo tired.. and happy.. :)

tired is happy.. adios..

what did i learn??

Gong Xi Fa Cai...

Festive season, again.. the most exciting phenomena in Malaysia, truly Asia... hehehehe... more holidays... hehehe... and also more traffic jam, more uprising tickect price, more headache.. GRRRR..

but it is ok as long as it is a holiday... a long holiday... :)

17th Feb to 20th Feb.. 4 days holiday... best...

my journey started at 7pm 16th Feb, pickup my brother and sisters, from KL to Klang to KL.. damn tired...

after dinner around 11.30 pm, the real journey begin.. Jln Duta Toll, so quiet.. not many cars around.. and i thought it was a good thing but, gooosh!!! after 10 minutes drive, it was a long traffic jam from where we were to God knows where... 20km/j every 5 minutes and then stop for one minute.. HUARGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!! tension gilos...

i was putting all my patient together, and drove so politely.. hmmm... after 2 hours, the signboard shows exit to Rawang, fuuuhhh!!! this exit is my savior... all the way to Slim River i used the toll free road.. it's more convenient.. no pay at all.. save more fuel.. no tension and i felt really calm.. pueh hati den... 80-110 kmj, as makan kacang poteh... yeeaah!!!!

7 am 17th Feb.. here we come b'worth... so beautiful.. hehehe... quite a long journey, and i was very sleepy.. my sisters went back home by bus and i went to my mum in law's house with my brother... we slept like kangaroo... hahahaha... whatever it was like, i dont care... hehehehehe...

what i have learn from the journey...??? be brave to take action, to make a decision.. stick to the course... eeeerrrr.. whatever i did learn, thank God we are all safe all the way home...

other than that, i learned that in our life,

our journey is not one way journey..
our journey is not one path journey...
every path you may take, you will reach upcoming junction..
and you have to choose which way you should go..
and again, junction and choose.. untill you reach your goal..
after that, you have to plan for your next goal..
and then, the journey start again..
and plan your goal again...

it'll never stop... that is the way it is.. so, stop complaining.. just be brave to make a choice, a decision.. sooner you decide, less tension you will get.. cool??? hmmm...

adios guys...